Voyaging the Summit of Parenthood: Kindness Over Discipline
My Reflections on Voyaging the Summit of Parenthood
This article was originally published on the Celestine Vision website, July 2017.
Having children is at times a mountain to climb with hidden pitfalls waiting for us to slip up and fall on our faces. Yet, when we get back up, there is the most beautiful sunrise. We start again, we learn, improve, and adapt. There is no roadmap to the top of the mountain. We make our own path to parenthood. We can follow the directions from another parent, or heck, even our own parents, to find that path has washed away and is no longer passable, meaning those rules don’t seem to apply to my ‘one in a million’ unique child.
Reading The Celestine Prophecy has helped me to recognize the control dramas that play out, the exchange of energy between family members, and to remember to take time out to fill up my own energy. Children have a lot of natural energy! And we are giving them our energy so much of the time. Ultimately though, our children forge their own paths and we’re merely climbing along beside them. In a loving relationship, we hold out a hand to help them back up again when they slip, and yes, definitely to help guide them away from those hidden pitfalls, ledges, and unsteady rocks with loving care. We want to keep our children safe; this is innate as we love and cherish them.
Remember Children Can Be Overwhelmed by Emotions
Generally, we can all agree that discipline is necessary to keep children within the boundaries of what are acceptable healthy behaviors, and what are not. Sayings such as, ‘that child has them wrapped around their little finger’ or, ‘they just get away with everything’, play over in our heads, reminding us to keep our little ones under ‘our’ control.
It’s helpful to remember that children are learning how to deal with their own emotions and learning how to treat others. Often, they feel overwhelmed with fitting in and feeling accepted, so they may go into overload or meltdown pretty easily. This isn’t always easy for parents to deal with. I certainly have been through many rough patches with my children where anxiety has taken over any attempt to calm them down as they explode in a myriad of emotions. (And I’m not just talking their anxiety here!) It has left me feeling utterly drained and deflated at times as I couldn’t foresee or prevent the impending cracker of a whopping meltdown!
The Fourth Insight “The struggle for power”, reminds us that most conflicts between a parent and their child arise from a struggle for power. Walking away, having a deep breath or two…or twenty-five, is a good practice for any parent. Taking time to fill up our energy from a higher source and nature, to allow oneself to regroup, and to refocus before calmly dealing with an upset child is an investment in self, child, and our society – and an incredibly worthwhile effort.
Raising Energy…Our Children!
Discovering the Fifth Insight and connecting to my own divine energy within has helped me discover a better way to live and interact with others to live a more loving and harmonious life. The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide states, “A sense of lightness and buoyancy – and the constant sensation of love are measures of this connection.”
Our little mirrors are really projectors making their own story of the world. For a while we write, direct, and produce their journey up the mountain of life. Our roles change as they grow. I tell my children to be kind to others and believe in themselves but they learn most from our actions. They are audience members of the unfolding dramas of our life story and are smack bang at the centre of our focus so much of the time. I remind them that they are connected to the amazing divine energy of creation from within. When at peace in their favourite spot, this flows naturally to them as they will point out every butterfly and every rainbow and truly live in the present moment.
“Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Which Child Does Not See All?”
I see my children’s behaviour as a reflection of my own behaviour, quite often mirrored back to me (sometimes, in not so pleasant a fashion). Whether it be that my child was impatient with me or judged someone at school, I know that I’ve in some way modeled this behaviour. I realize they watch how mummy might be in a panic when running late, getting snappy when she’s had a big day, and perhaps, judging another driver on the road who wasn’t doing what mummy thought that driver ‘should’ do. Also, watching the not so pleasant exchange of comments between parents that don’t always see eye to eye, or, getting angry at such child because of naughty behaviour towards us or their sibling tends to impact how they view and participate in the world with others.
The Sixth Insight‘s “clearing the past”, reminds us to let go of any negative past behaviours of our own parents. What parent hasn’t said, “I can hear myself and I sound just like my mother {father}.” Let go of the old sayings and dogma that doesn’t serve your own parenting and remember how you would have liked to have been treated and listened to as a child. Let your inner child soften your heart. I know I have many good qualities from my parents and I often hear good stuff coming back from my children too and I think ‘cool I showed them that.’ I talk to them about books that I read like The Celestine Prophecy series and Dr Wayne Dyer’s teachings and the lessons I learn from them. They understand and accept these positive concepts as it is innate in them. I am merely fertilizing the soil for their spiritual growth.
The Eighth Insight reminds us not to lose our inner connection and to uplift the energy of everyone we interact with. “With children it is extremely important to their early security and growth.”
Discipline vs Compassion
Rather than discipline, do you know what word I prefer today? ‘Compassion’. How do I teach my children to have compassion for themselves when they’re having a rough day and need some time out to regroup, or to have compassion towards their siblings and friends when they get upset? We have to be living it, in order to teach it. We can guide them to stop and look at the bigger picture of what is happening. When I’m not there, I tell them to tell a teacher or grown up to help resolve the conflict. The best way to teach is to …’practice what we preach’.
Compassionate words remind us that “By seeing the beauty in every face we lift others into their wisest self and increase our chances of synchronistic messages.” Compassion is ultimately innate in human nature. When we tap into the real reasons for why our kids are acting out, and have a compassionate conversation with them, instead of reacting with punishment, we demonstrate compassion. This requires ‘active listening’, not just lecturing.
When we take a deep breath to reassess how we react to something and see the underlying subconscious programming from our own childhood, we show compassion toward ourselves. We slip up, but we can learn from our mistakes. I know I don’t like physically disciplining my children. I want them to find other more productive ways to express their frustration. Maybe hitting a pillow on their bed or a boxing bag if they need to, but not each other. If I hit them, what is this saying?
Through showing patience with my partner (who might be getting snappy and raising his voice) and encouraging him to take a breather, I show compassion. I dialogue with my children that Daddy’s really tired, and that perhaps after his shower, they can tell him that they’re sorry for fighting and how much they missed him throughout the day. Yes, my husband and I remember to appreciate each other too. The children see us kiss and cuddle and communicate with each other with respect. They sometimes want to get in the middle for a group hug, or they sometimes say ‘yuck’, but that’s just fine.
We show love, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding through our own actions. But I don’t tell my kids to be like me. I say be better; be the best that you can be. I love Dr Wayne Dyer’s saying “When given the choice of being right or kind, choose kind.” For me, discipline can stay on the tongues of our relatives, at school, or military structured environments, and compassion can come into my home. I believe the right choices come from kindness, and that’s how I aspire to raise my children. So, I will just take a deep breath and keep climbing; there is a beautiful view on the way to the top. Phew what a climb! And as Elizabeth Gilbert famously says, “Onward!”
This article, Voyaging the Summit of Parenthood, offers a spiritual roadmap for raising children, integrating principles from The Celestine Prophecy – focusing on control dramas, energy exchange, and compassion. To delve deeper into the insights discussed here, I highly recommend the official Celestine Vision website. You can also explore more of my work on spiritual parenting by reading my article, Empower Your Children With Energy and Freedom.
